LWS
Last Woman Standing
Waking up this morning with a headache. Thought I'd get to sleep in a bit since I was goin in a lil late due to having a much needed eye appt, but my brother quickly spoiled that by needing a ride to work. Thats a whole other can of worms I'm not ready to get into right now. So, now I'm here lying in bed again typing when I could be catchin a few more Zzzz's.
In any event its been a interesting last two weeks. I can't even sum it up in words. I'll suffice it to say that I've changed a bit. The old Tracy would be handling this differently. *meanin worse than how I'm takin it now* but today I just feel like I failed but I still learned something. Life goes on. I hate that I failed but I'm not consumed with it like I wouldve been almost 2 yrs ago. Can I write off love and this feeling I have of wanting to belong to someone? no. Do I want to? yes. I do. It's so much easier to just stay in this house and be single and just not even worry about it but thats not realistic.
I think I get antsy sometimes but instead of talkin about it I hold it in. Until I explode and then its a bad moment. This time I didnt have a voice. This time I didnt say a word. Before with my ex I wasn't me. I was who he wanted me to be or I was tryin to be who he wanted me to be and this time I think I was tryin to do the same thing. I was tryin to be something I was not. Perfect. I'm not perfect tho. That was my fault. Iwas tryin to talk the right way, dress the right way, look the right way just do every thing right so that nothing bad will happen but I guess I need for something bad to happen sometimes.
I need conflict. It's a part of life and its normal. I need for you to not to agree with me. I need for someone to say Tracy, shut up, or say no! we're not goin here we're goin there. Thats normal. Life is not suppose to run smoothly.
How do you sit down with yourself and find out what you want from another human being? I'm not sure, I just know that I'm losing pieces of me each day, every minute. I am a product of everyone I've met. Each person has pinched off a piece of who I am so how do I stop that before theres nothin left?
I dont want to be the LWS.
Last Woman Standing
Waking up this morning with a headache. Thought I'd get to sleep in a bit since I was goin in a lil late due to having a much needed eye appt, but my brother quickly spoiled that by needing a ride to work. Thats a whole other can of worms I'm not ready to get into right now. So, now I'm here lying in bed again typing when I could be catchin a few more Zzzz's.
In any event its been a interesting last two weeks. I can't even sum it up in words. I'll suffice it to say that I've changed a bit. The old Tracy would be handling this differently. *meanin worse than how I'm takin it now* but today I just feel like I failed but I still learned something. Life goes on. I hate that I failed but I'm not consumed with it like I wouldve been almost 2 yrs ago. Can I write off love and this feeling I have of wanting to belong to someone? no. Do I want to? yes. I do. It's so much easier to just stay in this house and be single and just not even worry about it but thats not realistic.
I think I get antsy sometimes but instead of talkin about it I hold it in. Until I explode and then its a bad moment. This time I didnt have a voice. This time I didnt say a word. Before with my ex I wasn't me. I was who he wanted me to be or I was tryin to be who he wanted me to be and this time I think I was tryin to do the same thing. I was tryin to be something I was not. Perfect. I'm not perfect tho. That was my fault. Iwas tryin to talk the right way, dress the right way, look the right way just do every thing right so that nothing bad will happen but I guess I need for something bad to happen sometimes.
I need conflict. It's a part of life and its normal. I need for you to not to agree with me. I need for someone to say Tracy, shut up, or say no! we're not goin here we're goin there. Thats normal. Life is not suppose to run smoothly.
How do you sit down with yourself and find out what you want from another human being? I'm not sure, I just know that I'm losing pieces of me each day, every minute. I am a product of everyone I've met. Each person has pinched off a piece of who I am so how do I stop that before theres nothin left?
I dont want to be the LWS.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment