Ave Maria

Mornings have been so hard for me lately. I just wanna lay in bed and just sleep. My bed feels sooooo good lately. No pic this morning but I just felt like blogging anyways. I've had Beyonce's latest cd for a while but never listened to anything but "Put a ring on it" Love that song...but last nite I bought a stereo for my room cuz I get tired of walkin around all day wit earplugs in my ear. Anywhoz I listened to a couple other songs on there and even tho they didnt really have much to do with me they just made me feel so powerful for some reason.

I'm not in love but listening to those songs made me feel like I was. Maybe I'm in love with myself. Today I feel like I can move a mountain. I've always loved music and its always made me feel good. There have been times when its made me feel sad too but this morning is not one of those days.

I think my favorites thus far are Halo and Ave Maria. Both are beautiful to me. Today I will not be aggravated. Today I will speak my mind and say what I feel. Matter of fact for the rest of the week and now on I will just speak my mind. Let folks know exactly what I think and how I feel about stuff. I've been holding that back for too long. Not speaking up when things bother me for fear of hurting the other person. Well, I have feelings too and I expect people to be upfront with me just as I try to be with them. I deserve and demand just that.

I have a lot of things to work on within myself. I most definitely have to work on my self esteem, and my body image issues but those are things that have plagued me for a long ass time and they wont be fixed quickly but I'm puttin in some hard work and I'll get over those things soon and stop putting so much emphasis on that from now on. I guess I got this negative aspect about my body image from my ex because he used to say all types of mean things when he was mad at other people or things weren't workin out for him. You have to hurt someone else I guess when you are feeling bad, and I started to believe that crap and I guess I still kind of believe it.

He used to tell me I was fat and then laugh later and say he was just jokin and just a bunch of other stuff that I'm not even gonna dwell on anymore. That part of my life is almost over. I say almost because the last emotion I have from that relationship is HATE and it is takin me a moment to get over that. I know its not right to harbor hate for another person but it is there and I'm tryin my best to just get over it. I think it will take a person bigger than me to help me with that. Much bigger than me.

Well, this is cathartic for me, it really is. I can't share my private journal with anyone but this online blog I can. Who knows maybe something I am goin thru is the same as what someone else is going thru.

I hope every one has a wonderful day today because that is what I claim for my day.

Love to you all

Tee