Thoughts and Feelings
It's weird, today I was in line at the Sonic. waiting for the slow cashier to take my order and the countless people ahead of me at the drive in's order. Nothing special was goin on. I was just sitting there getting utterly annoyed at their slowness. I hear music in the background and I look in my rear view window..........nice ride, handsome brotha drivin it...chic in the passenger seat. Makes me wonder...hmm why am I single again? I ponder that for a minute or too and still wait in line. Anothre car passes by...this time a sista is pushin a nice ride....the brotha...very handsome..older dude..is in the passenger side, clearly it's his car...they look happy, content even. Once again, What's wrong wit me?
Its funny to me, sometimes that is, that I can be fine as wine but then all it takes is seeing a couple pass by and then I start to wonder. Why can't I be happy like that with someone? and who says that they are happy anyway? How do I even know that? I dont really, I just know it seems like every one else in the world is either happy bein in their relationships or even more happy that they are single. Most days I can just be content with being single, alone..but then there are those days when it does bother me. Doesnt matter that folks say...you should be happy with yourself...and not just because someone else is in your life...usually those people who are NOT single, so their reasoning is mute as far as I'm concerned.
Where is this one person in this world that I am supposed to be sharing my life with? Maybe I'm too anti-social for anyone. I guess that could be an issue. I like to laugh and have fun and all that...but honestly, I dont talk very much. I'm content just bein in another persons company. I dont really have to talk. Silence is golden to me. I know thats weird but I've gotten used to that. I can work a 12 hour shift wit another person sitting not even 2 ft away from me and not say one word for the entire 12 hours. Not sure what that is all about but thats the way I am. I dont even like talkin on the fone. I can text to death, but I hate talkin. I know...weird.
I guess this is all I really wanted to say. I used to be able to write what I was feeling and convey it pretty well..........but now...my concentration is horrible. It's been that way since..Jaylon. Used to be able to just write poems and things and now...I lose my train of thought and what I planned to say before I even finish..just like now. Lots of things about me have changed since then. I'm a totally different person. If I could go back and fix it I would...but there is no fixin that. Sometimes I wonder if I should really talk to someone and get it all out but I'm not really ready to go back to that day and time and deal with it so I guess I will just continue to be moody and unforgiving of people until the day comes that I can fix this.
Guess this is all for now
tee
Its funny to me, sometimes that is, that I can be fine as wine but then all it takes is seeing a couple pass by and then I start to wonder. Why can't I be happy like that with someone? and who says that they are happy anyway? How do I even know that? I dont really, I just know it seems like every one else in the world is either happy bein in their relationships or even more happy that they are single. Most days I can just be content with being single, alone..but then there are those days when it does bother me. Doesnt matter that folks say...you should be happy with yourself...and not just because someone else is in your life...usually those people who are NOT single, so their reasoning is mute as far as I'm concerned.
Where is this one person in this world that I am supposed to be sharing my life with? Maybe I'm too anti-social for anyone. I guess that could be an issue. I like to laugh and have fun and all that...but honestly, I dont talk very much. I'm content just bein in another persons company. I dont really have to talk. Silence is golden to me. I know thats weird but I've gotten used to that. I can work a 12 hour shift wit another person sitting not even 2 ft away from me and not say one word for the entire 12 hours. Not sure what that is all about but thats the way I am. I dont even like talkin on the fone. I can text to death, but I hate talkin. I know...weird.
I guess this is all I really wanted to say. I used to be able to write what I was feeling and convey it pretty well..........but now...my concentration is horrible. It's been that way since..Jaylon. Used to be able to just write poems and things and now...I lose my train of thought and what I planned to say before I even finish..just like now. Lots of things about me have changed since then. I'm a totally different person. If I could go back and fix it I would...but there is no fixin that. Sometimes I wonder if I should really talk to someone and get it all out but I'm not really ready to go back to that day and time and deal with it so I guess I will just continue to be moody and unforgiving of people until the day comes that I can fix this.
Guess this is all for now
tee
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1 comment:
Sounds like we'd along...just sitting and staring. lol As someone who is alone but taken, I often wish to be single and free. Sometimes grass is greener...I hope I don't think that a lot when we're together all the time.
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