bipolar bitch

Switchin my bitchy-ness on and off wit lightenin speed. Trust!

My mind goes a mile a minute I don't even know what all the messages are its just goin too fast for me so I ignore em.

Its been a minute since I have been able to enjoy a book or a magazine. Heck I can't concentrate long enuff to stay interested.

Same goes for people. Sometimes they bore me. What does one do about that? My bullshit meter is set on automatic. I was gonna say somethin else but stupid me couldn't think of the word I was tryin to use.

Is it possible to get altheimers at my age or am I sufferin from info overload? Maybe I got too much stuff n my brain that the important stuff is gettin lost.

I'm glad my love for music has never failed me. I owe that to my dad. When my walls start to close n I know I always can turn to my music to help a sista out.

I got so much to work on wit me. Um just too tired to even try to fix it.

Just gonna continue to stress on it til I croak.

use and discard

I didn't just lay here n my bed n figure this out, but people use you. They may not mean to buy they do.

Its amazin how they can call to talk when they need you to go out of your way to do a favor for them.

Some can even come up with such great compliments and kind words when u have somethin they want.

I feel like this is something I need to pay more attention to so that I can nip it in the bed.

I already have a few people in mind.

Sometimes I really really hate men.

to thee I wed

Well I was home last nite as usual, mindin my own biz when a good pal of mine called to let me know that he showed my pics to someone who was getting married in June.

Supposedly they are goin to call me in ref to shootin their wedding. I think its goin to be a small event but still I told him I would think about it.

Not sure that I want to do another wedding tho. Especially a low payin one. I guess I could use the loot for my future laptop or desktop purchase.

In other news life is boring and the workplace is on my nerves. I'm turnin into a fat person and that truly sucks.

Today I woke up to my chest hurting at first I thought it was nothin because it went away but then it came back. I figured that it must be gas or something so I just stayed n my bed and went back to sleep. I wa awakened again by my chest just hurtin so I decided to just get up and stir about but nothin changed the pain kept goin and coming. I called my docs office but they were closing because it was 12 but the nurse told me that I needed to call an ambulance. I didn't. Instead I drove myself to doctors care and they did an ekg and also a chest xray but he didn't see anything wrong. The doc gave me an aspirin n told me that I need to take one a day until he can get me in to see a heart specialist. Then he had the nerve to tell me that I couldn't go to the gym until after I see the specialist. I am tryin really hard to lose weight and this is just another setback. I really don't see why I have to stop its not like I'm running or anything cardio.

My mom says this is happenin cuz I've gained too much weiGht so fast and I lead a pretty sedentary life. The way she and my aunt describe me you would think I weiGhed a quarter ton. I may still do a lil exercise at home like workin on my abs he said if it happened again to go straiGht to the hospital but soon as I left his office and was walkin round the store to get meds it happened again n a clerk had to help me to a seat. Somethin bad is always happenin so um not really surprised.

The doc was gonna let me stay out tonite but I told him I had to work tonite cuz my partner already asked to come n late. Its hard to get someone to come n on short notice. I just said phuck it I can leave early after he gets in. All in all its been a odd n scary day. I'm quite ready to go home now cuz I feel blah!

forbidden

how sweet is it to be wit someone u know

you're not suppose to touch

kiss someone whose lips do not belong to u

have that person's hands run all over ur body

causing u to feel things u like but that u know

u shouldnt be feeling?

I know its wrong but

I like what u say.

I like how u feel.

I love how u kiss and I love ur touch

not sure if I want you tho.

I just know I want to continue borrowin u.

=)