I see things

I see things
Originally uploaded by Wilhemina Lump Lump

I'm not sure when it started but when I was around 9 was when I remember having my most scariest night terror. I dont have nightmares...they are night terrors. So scary at times that I wake up in a pool of sweat and sometime I wake crying.

I remember plain as day when I was about 9 having this dream about this witch. I was in my moms car...she was in the grocery store and there was a witch in the grocery store as well. What the hell she was doin in the piggly wiggly was beyond me but follow me now..

Ok my mom was takin her time as usual in the dam store and i was in the car just sitting there. I look up..and I can see the witch in the store thru the glass and she is lookin dead at me. She says, "I'm gonna get you" no one in the store heard her but I heard her in the car. Like her words just came to me. I immediately just got petrified...and I was tryin to get my moms attention to let her know...but she didnt notice..no one saw this witch dressed in full black walkin around the store wit a dam broom but me.

ANyway...she starts coming out the store...the entire time lookin at me..and I'm just frozen I cant scream...I cant wake up and I can't even move....She makes it to my moms car and the next thing I remember is my mom standing over me lookin like she saw a ghost. She came in my bedroom cuz she heard something slamming...and she said when she came in my room my bed was literally movin off the floor. It was like rockin violently.

I told my babysitter about it later...she was a much older woman..I used to call her momma ruby...and she told me when youre sleep and cant wake up and your bed jumps like that...it means a witch is riding u.... *falls dead* I was scared for real after that...and started sleepin in my moms room on the floor after that.

That is until my dad stepped on my leg one day gettin ready for work and almost cracked my dam leg in half. duh!

Anywho...they just got worse from that point on. Not sure why I have these dreams and even some things I dream ..come true just like I dream them...bad stuff. I'm definitely not psychic...but I do dream stuff every once in a while...and see it happen later. I wouldnt wish the stuff I dream on anyone.

Ok I take that back.. there is one person I'd wish em on.

~sigh~

My role on earth

apparently is to piss other folks off.
i do it so well and i dont even have to
try hard.

folks gets pissed if u ignore them
hmmm imagine that. they get mad
if u talk to them too much

its weird...really.
i have a new project to work on
gonna fix my laptop
if i fix it then my faith in my brain
will be renewed

if i cant fix it
then its confirmed that
i am an idiot
and i will check myself into a mental hospital
ok, maybe not

my head hurts...its been hurting since
yesterday when i almost blew a gasket
arguin wit my sons dad
who is an idiot by the way..not the son but the dad
the son is way smarter than the dad

why do I have to explain stuff to a grown man?
why, 5 yrs later am i still askin u for a copy of
my childs medical/dental card?
why must i curse u out in english and spanish
before u GET it?

why did my blood pressure
have to rise for that?
wonder if he realizes that if he
just obeys me...his life will go on
quite nicely? i only ask for two things
pay ur child support and send me a freakin copy
of the insurance card. not much to ask.

"I dont respond to threats", he says.
I beg to differ. U do...and I dont make threats
only promises.

think on that.

I wish

It wasn't so easy for me to get discouraged from doin things I really like. I wish I was motivated enough to try harder even tho it seems like I fail so much. I wish I wasn't so much of an introvert. I wish I could tolerate others more than I can now. I wish I knew how to fix my flaws and I wish I had the energy to want to fix them. I wish I understood the male mind and I wish I had the ability to understand the female mind.

I wish I could bring back my child. I wish I could send his father to the place he is now. I wish I didnt hate him so, but only because I'd like a fresh start at hatin him all over again. I wish I could erase him from my mind but then I'd have to wish that my sons memory would still somehow live on. I wish I knew how to control my emotions and feelings more and I wish that sometimes I didn't hate me as much as I do.

I wish I could lose some weight because I hate the state that I am in right now...and no, I'm not talkin about South Carolina. I wish I could find my high school sweetheart. I wish I could find another person on this earth who loved me like he used to. I wish all men could've been like him. I wish he was searchin for me still...like he was a while back before he just gave up.

I wish I was a happier person than I pretend to be.

just wishes

Thoughts and Feelings

It's weird, today I was in line at the Sonic. waiting for the slow cashier to take my order and the countless people ahead of me at the drive in's order. Nothing special was goin on. I was just sitting there getting utterly annoyed at their slowness. I hear music in the background and I look in my rear view window..........nice ride, handsome brotha drivin it...chic in the passenger seat. Makes me wonder...hmm why am I single again? I ponder that for a minute or too and still wait in line. Anothre car passes by...this time a sista is pushin a nice ride....the brotha...very handsome..older dude..is in the passenger side, clearly it's his car...they look happy, content even. Once again, What's wrong wit me?

Its funny to me, sometimes that is, that I can be fine as wine but then all it takes is seeing a couple pass by and then I start to wonder. Why can't I be happy like that with someone? and who says that they are happy anyway? How do I even know that? I dont really, I just know it seems like every one else in the world is either happy bein in their relationships or even more happy that they are single. Most days I can just be content with being single, alone..but then there are those days when it does bother me. Doesnt matter that folks say...you should be happy with yourself...and not just because someone else is in your life...usually those people who are NOT single, so their reasoning is mute as far as I'm concerned.

Where is this one person in this world that I am supposed to be sharing my life with? Maybe I'm too anti-social for anyone. I guess that could be an issue. I like to laugh and have fun and all that...but honestly, I dont talk very much. I'm content just bein in another persons company. I dont really have to talk. Silence is golden to me. I know thats weird but I've gotten used to that. I can work a 12 hour shift wit another person sitting not even 2 ft away from me and not say one word for the entire 12 hours. Not sure what that is all about but thats the way I am. I dont even like talkin on the fone. I can text to death, but I hate talkin. I know...weird.

I guess this is all I really wanted to say. I used to be able to write what I was feeling and convey it pretty well..........but now...my concentration is horrible. It's been that way since..Jaylon. Used to be able to just write poems and things and now...I lose my train of thought and what I planned to say before I even finish..just like now. Lots of things about me have changed since then. I'm a totally different person. If I could go back and fix it I would...but there is no fixin that. Sometimes I wonder if I should really talk to someone and get it all out but I'm not really ready to go back to that day and time and deal with it so I guess I will just continue to be moody and unforgiving of people until the day comes that I can fix this.

Guess this is all for now

tee