I dont understand me sometimes. Is this all in my mind. How can go from loving stuff so intensely to giving it up after such a short time. I start out liking something then it turns to love and I'm consumed with it and then after a while the sight of it sickens me and I give it up.
Happened with my art...the drawing..the painting...the writing..piano playing and now photography. The same happens with people. I have very lil tolerance for folks when they do things that piss me off. It doesnt just happen after one instance. I'm not quite that anal....but I just feel like if I consider you a friend and hold you in high regard then I kind of expect the same treatment. Dont ask me to do things for u or on your behalf if you cant reciprocate or if you always have an excuse as to why you can't do the same for me.
Once I am done with someone its hard for me to go back. I'm not sure why I am like that I guess it could be because of things in my past. I love passionately and I also hate passionately. I know its wrong to hate...but a lot of things are wrong in this world but folks do them regardless. I dont profess to be perfect.
Its funny that I was having a conversation earlier tonite with a coworker and we were talkin about how folks perceive you. Where I work folks think I am the meanest person alive at times...and I'm not really I just consider myself to be real. If I like you, you know it...if I dont, believe me you know that as well. I dont go up to you starting shit but I also dont interact with you unless I have to. I dont like to put on airs for folks. I am what I am. I love me and I dont want to change. I cant pretend to like folks that I dont like. I cant pretend to be friends with people that I cant stand and if you dont really want to know what I think about you then dont ask me.
I get so sick of folks here sayin shyt like...ooooh she's mean...mean to them means...I'm not fake...I'm not the type to just lie to folks to their face and pretend to be their friend....at the same time talkin about them behind their back. Please believe that any thing I say behind a persons back I will say to their face.
I just cant stand or tolerate fake ass people...or people who only have time for you when they want u to do somethin for their triflin ass. Ugh! I digress.
I think my problem might be a slight hormone imbalance cuz honestly sometimes I feel like I could just snap.....I get so frustrated with folks and the mid games they try n play. I'm so sick of the grown ass women who act like 2 yr olds.
Anywho...this was just a release for the moment. I can hardly wait for this year to end so that a new chapter can begin. End of the year always sucks for me.
Just need to make it past Dec 6th and then I will be normal again.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
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