hmmm

hmmm
Originally uploaded by Wilhemina Lump Lump

wow its been a minute since I last blogged...but after receiving some IM's from HIM..I just had to reflect. Its funny..I'm sitting here literally shakin my head in disbelief...nonstop.

What does this person still want? If someone knows I wish to hell they would let me know. Lies...nothin but lies...not just to me but to all who he encounters. Its so funny NOW that those words (I love you) that I was longing to hear all the time....mean nothing...to me they dont mean a thing not even hearing them from another person. I dont think I believe in love anymore.

I believe in strong LIKE but not love. It's amazin to me that there have been people in my life that just threw those 3 words around as if they meant someting...when now I can see they were just bargaining tools. Something they used to get what they wanted.

I try really hard to keep from hating this person. I really do. I used to say that I could never not love this person..but it has happened. I feel nothing for him/u anymore. If the ground opened up and swallowed him hole before my eyes. I honestly think I would turn and walk away and not blink an eye.

This person is in Iraq now...and I'm sure the fascination wit me now is just to relieve some boredom but I dont think I can help with that. I moved on..somethin I thought I would never be able to do. I thought no one else in this world would want to have me in their world....but now...I see differently..I'm sure it may happen one day...but at the same time I'm overly cautious and my tolerance level is extremely low. I dont want to go backwards. The things and people in my past will have to remain there.

It took a long time to step out from under the dark cloud that I was under for the last 4 years..........I've put away my umbrella and I'd like to keep it in the closet.......I like baskin in the sun.