Momz Eyes

Momz Eyes
Originally uploaded by Wilhemina Lump Lump

Growing up in small town, Georgia I was the ultimate lil tomboy. My momz would dress me up in frilly lil dresses, stockin's and shiney and then look outside later and I'd be flyin up the street on my bicycle wit a gang of lil boys...stockings torn....barrettes missing and dress dirty.

She tried her darndest to keep me clean and girly but I wasnt having any part of it. I loved just being me and being different. I loved walkin around barefoot. I loved running thru the woods wit the guys pickin blackberries, playing football and just bein a kid. There was no doubt that I did not enjoy my childhood. My mom didnt have me babysittin my younger brothers or doin any of those things that wouldve pushed me into being an adult sooner than was necessary. I had chores as did other kids and my mom didnt let me roam all over town. I knew my bounderies and that boundary ended at hwy 292. I was not to cross it. I could ride my bike all around my neighborhood but stay off that highway! lol

I used to wonder if my mom was disappointed in this place that I am in right now. I didnt finish college. I dont have a career, I have a job and things could be so much different for me if I had gotten a degree.

Back then when I was 10yrs old my dream was to grow up get married, have 2 kids, one boy and one girl and have a nice house with 7 rooms in it. I used to tell my friends that I would stay home and take care of the house and my husband would work and we would be happy.

I am not goin to lie....that would be ideal for me because my personality is just THAT laid back. I am fine being in a solitary situation...being home alone all day every day wit no one to talk to. I could so survive solitary confinement. I am so interested in myself that I entertain myself on the daily. I am my own best company.

I wish that I was in a different place. I wish that I was able to do more stuff for my momz. I wish that on her birthday I could afford to do more for her than just send her a really nice card and put a 20 spot in it. I do lil things for her that she says is more important than money but in my mind....organizing her bills for her or goin to Georgia to help her in her house just isnt "gift" enuff to me.

Im happy that at least I do something for her but I so wish I could do more. I wish that I could make her really proud, but I guess she's fairly pleased as it is. I'm not in jail. Never been in jail. I dont steal. I show her respect and thats good enuff I guess.

All that to say...One day momz u will see me in a magazine somewhere talkin about something wonderful that I did and then u can say, "Yup, thats my daughter". That would be sooooo freakin cool.

T N B

T N B
Originally uploaded by Wilhemina Lump Lump/gettin motiv8ted

I think this week while I'm off and the weather is somewhat decent. I will try once again to go downtown Greenville and take some pics.....I havent really taken any decent self portraits in a minute. I may work on that this week. I say may because ummm I know I'm a tad lazy at times and I just may not do it. heheehe

My photography instructor from last month wants to do a shoot wit me but I have yet to call him and get the details on just what we will be doing....*the concept* and all. I kind of just like being behind the camera. I like gettin dressed up somewhat to take pics but for the most part...I love bein the one takin the pic.

I am goin to try and call him today and set it up tho and get it out of the way. I also may ask him if I could do like an internship with him for a bit. Just so that I could learn some things....and watch him work.

Not sure how that will go but I wont know unless I ask. I hope he says its ok

Well thats it for now...............just more ramblings from the mind of the wonderful Mina.

rants..n jarbled toughts

rants..n jarbled toughts
Originally uploaded by Wilhemina Lump Lump/gettin motiv8ted

I hate you. Why are you like this. I know your secrets. Do these pants make me look fat? Why am I still gaining weight. God you’re stupid. I work with ignorant people. Most of my friends are online. I miss you Jaylon. Anthony u make me sick! I know more than you think I know. I lost this weight for you. Yay! I got a raise. I hate working at nite. He’s cute. We’re not together we broke up again. SCREAM What is wrong with me. Why do u keep sayin I’m big? I do care about you. I love you too. I forgive you. I miss you guys. Jaylon Mekhi. Cry. SCREAM. I’m tired. My first house. I love being up here. He blames me for my baby’s death. CRY. I’m not sorry I’m hear. I hate that bitch. Stupid bitch. Stop asking me for money. Will you shut up. I do everything for you. It’s ok I brought u something anyway. I love you. I miss you. I hate you. SCREAM You make me sick. Aww that’s sweet. Dumbass. I don’t care go. Run like a lil bitch that’s what u do. Sleep I’m horny. I miss you. Dam he’s hot. SAD. Why do you keep doin this? I will stomp a hole in your ass bitch. This is what u choose over me? Why does he keep coming back? I’m tired. Sleep. SCREAM. I don’t want to go to work. My first cruise. Never again will I go with her anywhere. LEAVE ME ALONE!! SCREAM! Cry. I’m glad I can talk to you. I saw him. If u mention your son to me one more time I’m goin to stab u. I don’t care. SCREAM!!! I need to lose more weight. I hate my tummy. I’m fat. Why don’t u ever say I look nice? Why don’t you ever hug me. If you loved me you would treat me better. You are a liar. I forgive you. Can we make another video? I want more sex! SCREAM. I’ll remind u til your death. Talk about Jaylon! Go! My life, my death. It’s ok to let go. I was good 2 u. That what u choose? Have at it. Friends? Love me. U were supposed to be my friend. Mention Him! 12/06/03. 4 yrs of my life. Where did it go? My personality is getting some muscle. Maybe I need to move on. I called your bitch…did she tell u? ha. 4 years. I did this to please you. I brought u this. I miss u. jaylon my prince. I trusted u. I don’t wanna hear about him. Do you still like my body? I am doin this for you. Turn on the camcorder. If only u knew. I miss his voice. I could so hurt u. SCREAM. I went out with my friends last nite. Smile…I miss Jaylon. We’re apart of each other always. That was fun. Hmm I can do this. Cry. I wont stop being me. I’m still mad at u. I want a normal relationship. Be strong Tracy. Jaylon Mekhi Walker. I love you my lil angel. Someone else will love you. Scream! I cant sleep. Losing you doesn’t mean I lose his memory. Am I fat? Naïve? I cant believe we are coming to an end. 4 years thrown away. I’m not moving back. We had fun. If only u knew. I’m a good person. I cant do this anymore. Its killin me. Scream. Cry. I love me you don’t. I gotta let this go. I still have luv. Peace. I’m mad at u for not trying harder. Jaylon mekhi. Kisses my sweet. Cry. Sad. I’ll be ok. I have my friends. Cry. Love doesn’t hurt. Jaylon 12/06/03. his anniversary is coming. Scared! U never saw him. Cry. How am I goin to fix this? Anger. Jaylon. Don’t fukkin ignore me. I’ll love again. Find me …I cant look anymore. We had fun last nite hangin out. Smile. That’s funny. I’m a good chic. Lol . I like my shape a lil more. It’s ok! I hope youre happy. I still luv u and that’s ok. I’m ready. Thanks! Smile. I’m happy today. Letting all of this go. I can do this. Who? I can draw! 12/06 came and I’m ok. I wont forget either of u. I’m ok with it. Smile I’m ready to leave this behind.. I’m done! Exhale!





*-Chocolate_Swizzle-*